Tips to Deal With Workplace Quarrels

When bad behavior or infighting threatens team morale, solve the situation with a constructive conversation.
Tips to Deal With Workplace Quarrels
Tomás Garza

Say two of your septic technicians are constantly arguing when out on a job, or the office receptionist never seems to be at her desk when the phone rings. Whatever the situation, whether team members are quarreling or one person’s behavior is impacting the entire work culture, a manager must be able to step in, take charge and do so in a way that does not contribute to the drama.

To successfully navigate workplace conflict, managers must be able to confront team members in a positive, productive manner. How do you constructively confront them? How do you get your point across and preserve team chemistry?

For any manager, these conversations can be crucial. Ongoing conflict and drama can, of course, have a ripple effect on everyone, and the last thing any company needs is a dip in morale. Assuming this situation doesn’t call for firing, there is a great deal a manager can do to help resolve the problem and preserve group harmony.

In having these conversations, here are three things to keep in mind:

1. Use nonaccusatory language. It is tempting to place blame and pin an entire problem directly on someone else. After all, isn’t he or she the one causing the disturbance in the first place? A constructive solution, despite our first impressions, involves shelving the urge to blame and taking a step back.

How you phrase things makes all the difference. You can make the conversation productive by focusing the language on you. For example, you can say, “I notice you missed the last two staff meetings” or “The other day I overheard your comments about Judy (the receptionist).” The alternative would sound like this: “You missed the last two staff meetings” or “You made those comments about Judy.” The first two statements talk about your observations, what you saw, noticed or heard. The other two put everything squarely on the person you’re addressing.

This may seem subtle, just a matter of semantics, but in constructive confrontation your word choice matters. When you talk about your observations, people naturally feel less defensive. When people do not have their guard up, you will be able to get more accomplished.

2. Be clear. As a manager attempting to put a stop to harmful behavior, you must be clear during the conversation. Your staff cannot afford any mixed messages. Therefore, be as clear as you can about the following:

• What you heard or saw. Make sure there are no ambiguities here. If you didn’t experience any of the events firsthand, be sure you have gathered sufficient information. The person you are talking to needs to know exactly what it is he or she is doing that damages your team chemistry.

• How this impacts the group. Be very clear on this. People might not intend any sabotage, but their behavior, nonetheless, may have a detrimental impact. It is fine to be direct about this impact; often the person really needs to hear it.

• Your expectations. If you don’t clearly state your expectations for future behavior, this conversation will be a waste of time. Unclear expectations create needless confusion and can lead to future problems. As a manager, you must say what you expect. Luckily, this can be done in a nonaccusatory manner that strengthens the staff rather than pulls it apart.

3. Listen. A conversation — even one you must have with an employee about his or her behavior — is just that, a conversation. This means it involves two people. Though you will need to come into the dialogue with an agenda and get your point across, the process will be infinitely more productive if you give the other person a chance to speak and, more importantly, to be heard. This means you must take the opportunity to listen.

When employees speak and feel you have heard them, their tension level goes down. Defensive posturing that might otherwise stand in your way will disappear. They may even feel appreciated and grateful because you are hearing them out. This can be crucial to maintaining workplace harmony. As long as you clearly state your expectations, there is absolutely nothing to lose in taking a moment and listening.

And if you listen attentively enough, the other person may offer suggestions or solutions you hadn’t considered. You will never know unless the team member gets an opportunity to speak, too.

Consider these three suggestions the next time you have to confront someone on your staff. In most situations, you can preserve group harmony, show respect and appreciation for that person, and be sure you have clearly stated your expectations. It is indeed possible to become a pro at constructive confrontation. Do it and your business will benefit.



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